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How was your last holiday? Was it relaxing? You got to distance yourself from the hectic, demanding day-to-day life? Maybe you were able to let go of the strict schedules and constant pressure to achieve?
If you answered “yes”, congratulations!
You may have noticed that in this so-called post-holiday state, all your problems suddenly seem less daunting. You might feel like you have all the skills to master your habits. That’s a very common observation, and there is a reason. For that very same reason it’s way easier to advise friends instead of solving your own problems. That is, you have gained some distance.
However, I have to warn you. Right now you may have that wider perspective crystal clear in your mind, and you can’t imagine getting caught in the middle of it all again. Well, think again.
A story of Joe
Let me tell you about Joe, a busy startup founder, who just returned from his summer holidays. Joe’s summer was a blast: he got to spend time with his family and recharge his batteries. Joe slept more and read a book for fun, not to learn something new. He even went a little crazy and took off his activity bracelet, not checking if he got those 10k steps in every day! It was shockingly liberating, and helped Joe to notice one thing: his daily life is very much built around work and accomplishments, lacking activities he enjoys – and supports his mental wellbeing.
Now, once returned to work, Joe feels a bit lightheaded but ready for the challenges autumn has in store. He made a promise not to go back to his old ways, but to start prioritising the things he values most: family, health and mental wellbeing. No more late nights at the office or checking emails and Slack while putting the kids to bed.
One month forward, Joe starts to notice his readiness levels are getting lower and lower, and he feels unproductive and stressed. Wait, he says to himself, when was the last time I left work before 7pm?
If you’ve experienced the same as Joe, don’t beat yourself up for it! Changing our routines is faaaar from easy. It requires a ton of energy and conscious effort. Our brains love saving energy, and especially when they have a lot to process, they prefer using the old and well-known patterns of behaviour that require hardly any conscious effort or willpower.
Want to make sure your good intentions to master your daily life will turn into reality? Continue reading, we got you covered!
5 steps for long-lasting changes
- Question everything in your daily routines.
I mean everything. Take a look at your calendar. Imagine you are talking with someone who know nothing about our culture and norms – and they want you to explain what your calendar consists of. They are looking at your calendar to understand why and how you do the things you do. They are not settling for any easy answers such as “that’s how i’ve always done it” or “that’s how my colleagues operate”. Is there something in your calendar you’d find hard to explain to this imaginary person?
- Make a plan, and dumb it down.
Once you have identified the things you’d like to change, make a plan. Then decide on concrete action steps. Don’t be too ambitious – it’s better to start with ridiculously small changes and succeed in them instead of reaching for something bigger and fail. Don’t make the plan for your current, newly inspired self, but for the unmotivated, tired and stressed future self. Think of ways making it as idiot-proof and easy to implement as possible. The less willpower you need to follow your plan, the better.
- Let go of something.
Sacrifices must be made. Here’s the hard truth: to gain something, you have to give up something. More time with family means less time at work, which means letting go of something. What are you willing to let go of? If this feels difficult, remind yourself: I made a conscious decision to prioritise. Thus, I need to let go of something that is not my priority.
- Gain perspective by distancing yourself.
Remember that calm and rational perspective you had during your holiday, or when advising a friend? What if I told you it’s possible to reach this mindset in any situation? This requires some practise, of course, but it's worth it. When faced with difficult circumstances, take some distance from them. Physical distance is one way, but sometimes just mentally distancing yourself is enough. You can, for example, write down your thoughts and revisit them later. There are various ways to find distance – the key is to find one that works for you.
- Rely on others: make sure you have social support.
Some lucky bastards are able to stay accountable to themselves, but most of us need others when it comes to staying accountable. Whether that be your colleague, spouse, friend, or Laavu's coach, find someone who has your best interest at heart – and is willing to support you in staying committed. Sharing your failure with someone is a powerful motivator; your supporters can help you reflect on what to do differently next time.
Want more? Get familiar with Laavu's Psychological Coaching!
With Laavu's science-based Psychological Coaching, we'll help you:
- Identify and overcome any mental blocks
- Create an action plan with concrete steps
- Develop the skills and mindset needed to reach success
Choose from existing paths or tailor your own together with your coach. Read HERE how others have benefitted from Laavu's coaching.
